Kuma’s Corner almost killed me… (also, got a haircut)

Imagine a bed of fries. A literal bed, so substantial you could happily curl up and snooze on its greasy potato goodness.

Now imagine the biggest beef patty you’ve ever seen. It’s like two fists intertwined, but made of ground up cow, and served on top of the aforementioned bed of fries.

Next, think of an enormous bowl of beef chili, possibly too much for one meal’s worth. Then pour the chili on top of the burger and fries.

Grate an imperial fucktonne of cheese, add some chopped up spring onions and throw them on top of what appears to be a Mexican-American take on poutine.

This, my friends, is the Slayer burger at Kuma’s Corner, a heavy metal themed burger bar on an unassuming street in north-west Chicago. Most of this meal is sat in a box in the fridge right now. We got an enormous plate of calamari to start as well, hence my inability to make more than a dent in the obscenely large plate of food. Amazing place though, more ID luck.
“You need ID to sit at the bar I’m afraid.”
“Ah, I forgot to bring my passport.”
“Well, no one’s looking so let’s just say ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’, okay?”
She got the tip she deserved.

Before this, came the most enjoyable haircut I’ve ever experienced. It was like an entire head-gasm (like an orgasm, but for your head), and a fraction of the price of what you’d pay for such a thing back in London. Hot towel shampoo thing, straight-razor on my neck, and finished off with some weird massage thing on my shoulders. Totally bizarre, but really quite pleasurable. May have to get another haircut next week…


About merlinlondon

Cynical but loveable wannabe journalist with a keen interest in music and the arts in general. Ignorant yet highly opinionated about most things. Mostly liberal with occasional fascist tendencies, usually concerning Coldplay, Crocs or other crimes against the developed world. Amateur photographer and even more amateur singer/songwriter.
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